DEMOCRAT VS REPUBLICAN

[Franco]

>> YOU MIGHT BE A REPUBLICAN IF...

>>

>>You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.

>>

>>You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"

>>

>>You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were

>>just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

>>

>>You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic

>>minority here) friend"

>>

>>You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to

>>welfare.

>>

>>You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

>>

>>You think Huey Newton is a cookie.

>>

>>The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck,

>>they're richer than you.

>>

>>You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

>>

>>You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.

>>

>>You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."

>>

>>You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

>>

>>You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of

>>*****es."

>>

>>You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."

>>

>>You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."

>>

>>You answer to "The Man."

>>

>>You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it

>>because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

>>

>>You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."

>>

>>You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert

>>and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

>>

>>You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.

>>

>>You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."

>>

>>When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."

>>

>>You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."

>>

>>You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

>>

>>You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your

>>home.

>>

>>Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

>>

>>You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism

>>in America.

>>

>>You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.

>>

>>You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

>>

>>You've ever called education a luxury.

>>

>>You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

>>

>>You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.

>>

>>You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.

>>

>>You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

>>

>>You're afraid of the liberal media."

>>

>>You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition

>>dictates...."

>>

>>You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can

>>because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

>>

>>You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps,

>>when they don't even have shoes.

>>

>>You confuse Lenin with Lennon.