Rectum Stretcher

reelapeelin · #1 02-07-2007, 09:14 PM

The Rectum Stretcher
>>> > > While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over
>>> > > a
>>> > > bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying
>>> > > in
>>> > wait.
>>> > > The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic
>>> > > patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked "what's your hurry?"
>>> > > To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
>>> > > "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
>>> > > "I'm a rectum stretcher"
>>> > > "The cop stammered, " A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does
>>> > > a
>>> > > rectum stretcher do?"
>>> > > "Well", she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way
>>> > > up
>>> > > to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in.
>>> > > I work from side to side until I can g et both hands in, and then
>>> > > slowly
>>> > > but surely stretch it until it's about 6 feet wide."
>>> > > "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot a$$hole?" he asked.
>>> > > "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
>>> > >
>>> > > Traffic Ticket $95.00
>>> > > Court Costs: $45.00
>>> > > Look on the Cop's Face........... Priceless

Thought all the guys in BLUE (and one just out) would get a kick!!
>>> > >
>>> > >
;D

willy · #2 02-07-2007, 09:22 PM

Where you getting all these old jokes, been around since before Sister Gilda tucked them in her belt.
Oh thats right, you been around that long too, sorry forgot who I was addressing for a moment ;D

reelapeelin · #3 02-07-2007, 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willy

Where you getting all these old jokes, been around since before Sister Gilda tucked them in her belt.
Oh thats right, you been around that long too, sorry forgot who I was addressing for a moment ;D

Hey you ol' PHART I just might call you inna little while and tell ya just what I REELY think ;D ;D ;D ...

willy · #4 02-07-2007, 09:42 PM

Shame you ain't up this way, just getting ready to sit down and eat a couple of bowls of Papa Schultz's world famous venison chili.
We could of popped a few brews and crack open a bottle of Jack and sat around the fire and farted all night ;D

Franco · #5 02-07-2007, 09:44 PM

Are farts flamable?

willy · #6 02-07-2007, 10:21 PM

Mine aren't, they don't stink either ;D

reelapeelin · #7 02-08-2007, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willy

Mine aren't, they don't stink either ;D

Boy am I GLAD to hear THAT!!... ::) ...

reelapeelin · #8 02-08-2007, 12:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Franco

Are farts flamable?

I swear this happened...class-mate in hi-school (I didn't know him, but knew who he was) had his mom take him to Emergency Room after lighting PHARTS and causing severe burns about his a$$!!... :o ... ;D ;D ;D ...

randlemanboater · #9 02-08-2007, 12:54 PM

RECTUM HELL, KILLED EM BOTH.

I saw a guy light a fart one time, didn't burn long but did burn. *I think the key to not burning your butt is to leave you pants on when you light it.

Blue_Runner · #10 02-08-2007, 02:11 PM

Quote:

I think the key to not burning your butt is to leave you pants on when you light it.

Or at the very least your tighty whities!

One of my friends in high school (still a good friend) used to do that. He'd yell across the room, "somebody get me a lighter - and somebody get the lights!"

We'd quickly meet his demands and sit back for the fireworks! I swear he shot flames outta his tail 3 feet long once! Lit up the whole room! LMAO!