A few more out of my vault

[THEFERMANATOR]

A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, "I must have you right now! I'll drop $500 on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up, I can have my way with you from behind!" The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her friend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition. Her friend said, "When he drops the $500 on the ground, I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened." An hour and a half later, the lady called her girlfriend back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked. The lady said, "That jerk had $500 in quarters!"

[THEFERMANATOR]

A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, "I must have you right now! I'll drop $500 on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up, I can have my way with you from behind!" The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her friend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition. Her friend said, "When he drops the $500 on the ground, I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened." An hour and a half later, the lady called her girlfriend back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked. The lady said, "That jerk had $500 in quarters!"

[THEFERMANATOR]

While out walking one day, a young boy met a redneck riding along with a dog and sheep and began a conversation.

"Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?" asked the boy.

"Stupid kid," said the redneck. "Dogs don’t talk."

The little boy ignored the redneck and talked to the dog anyway. "Hey dog, how’s it going?"

"Doin’ all right," replied the dog to the redneck’s amazement.

"Is this guy your owner?" asked the boy.

"Yep," replied the dog.

"How does he treat you?" asked the boy.

"Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

With that, the boy asked if he could talk to the redneck’s horse.

"Stupid kid, horses don’t talk," replied the redneck.

The little boy ignored the redneck and talked to the horse, anyway. "Hey horse, how’s it going?"

"Cool," replied the horse.

"Is this your owner?" asked the boy pointing to the redneck.

"Yep."

"How’s he treat you?" asked the boy.

"Pretty good, thanks for asking," replied the horse. "He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."

The redneck was totally amazed at his talking horse.

"Mind if I talk to your sheep?" asked the boy.

"The sheep’s a liar," answered the redneck.

[THEFERMANATOR]

While out walking one day, a young boy met a redneck riding along with a dog and sheep and began a conversation.

"Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?" asked the boy.

"Stupid kid," said the redneck. "Dogs don’t talk."

The little boy ignored the redneck and talked to the dog anyway. "Hey dog, how’s it going?"

"Doin’ all right," replied the dog to the redneck’s amazement.

"Is this guy your owner?" asked the boy.

"Yep," replied the dog.

"How does he treat you?" asked the boy.

"Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

With that, the boy asked if he could talk to the redneck’s horse.

"Stupid kid, horses don’t talk," replied the redneck.

The little boy ignored the redneck and talked to the horse, anyway. "Hey horse, how’s it going?"

"Cool," replied the horse.

"Is this your owner?" asked the boy pointing to the redneck.

"Yep."

"How’s he treat you?" asked the boy.

"Pretty good, thanks for asking," replied the horse. "He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."

The redneck was totally amazed at his talking horse.

"Mind if I talk to your sheep?" asked the boy.

"The sheep’s a liar," answered the redneck.

[msbhammer]

LOL. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[msbhammer]

LOL. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[THEFERMANATOR]

There was these two flies flying over a lake and they decided to fly down and get a drink. There were two fish in the lake.

One fish says "See those two flies, they're going to come down and get a drink, and we're going to get the flies".

There were two bears by the lake. One bear says "See those two flies? They're going to fly down and get a drink, the fish are going to jump up and get the flies, and we're going to get the fish".

There were two hunters behind a bush. One said "See those two flies? The flies are going to get a drink, the fish are going to get the flies, the bears are going to get the fish, and then we're going to shoot the bears".

There were two mice. One mouse says" See those two flies? They're going to get a drink, the fish are going to get the flies, the bears are going to get the fish, the hunters are going to shoot the bears and their cheese sandwiches are going to fall out of their pocket, and we're going to get the sandwiches".

There were two cats. One cat says "see those two flies? They're going to get a drink, the fish are going to get the flies, the bears are going to get the fish, the hunters are going to shoot the bears and their cheese sandwiches are going to fall out and the mice are going to get the sandwiches, then we are going to get the mice."

Sure enough the flies get a drink and the fish jump up and get the flies. The bears get the fish and the hunters shoot the bears. The cheese sandwiches fall out of their pockets and the mice get the sandwiches. The cats leap toward the mice and miss, ending up in the lake.

Know what the moral of the story is?

When the fly goes down, the ***** gets wet!

[THEFERMANATOR]

There was these two flies flying over a lake and they decided to fly down and get a drink. There were two fish in the lake.

One fish says "See those two flies, they're going to come down and get a drink, and we're going to get the flies".

There were two bears by the lake. One bear says "See those two flies? They're going to fly down and get a drink, the fish are going to jump up and get the flies, and we're going to get the fish".

There were two hunters behind a bush. One said "See those two flies? The flies are going to get a drink, the fish are going to get the flies, the bears are going to get the fish, and then we're going to shoot the bears".

There were two mice. One mouse says" See those two flies? They're going to get a drink, the fish are going to get the flies, the bears are going to get the fish, the hunters are going to shoot the bears and their cheese sandwiches are going to fall out of their pocket, and we're going to get the sandwiches".

There were two cats. One cat says "see those two flies? They're going to get a drink, the fish are going to get the flies, the bears are going to get the fish, the hunters are going to shoot the bears and their cheese sandwiches are going to fall out and the mice are going to get the sandwiches, then we are going to get the mice."

Sure enough the flies get a drink and the fish jump up and get the flies. The bears get the fish and the hunters shoot the bears. The cheese sandwiches fall out of their pockets and the mice get the sandwiches. The cats leap toward the mice and miss, ending up in the lake.

Know what the moral of the story is?

When the fly goes down, the ***** gets wet!

[THEFERMANATOR]

With a sheep under his arm, a man walks into his bedroom and stands in front of his wife. "This is the pig I **** when you have a headache," he says. The wife looks at him and replies, "That's a sheep under your arm." He says, "I wasn't talking to you."

[THEFERMANATOR]

With a sheep under his arm, a man walks into his bedroom and stands in front of his wife. "This is the pig I **** when you have a headache," he says. The wife looks at him and replies, "That's a sheep under your arm." He says, "I wasn't talking to you."