How to change oil

[Stinky_Hooker]

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change $30.00

Coffee $1.00

Total $31.00

================================================== ========

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
Oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.


7) Place drain pan under engine.


8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19) Remember drain plug from step 11.

20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.


21) Drink beer.

22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25) Begin cussing fit.

26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit knee after ricocheting off of vehicle undercarriage.

28) Beer.

29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow. Put ice pack on lump on knee.

30) Beer.

31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32) Beer.

33) Lower car from jack stands.

34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35) Beer.

36) Test drive car.

37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

3 Car gets impounded.

39) Call loving wife, make bail.

40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.!

Money spent:

Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00

Total -- $4,145.00

[C YENSEN]

how true, how true ;) :D

[Blue_Runner]

I used to go through that all that stuff.

I got wise over 5 years ago when I quit changing my own oil.

Now I get to fish more!

That reminds me... I gotta change my oil.... ;D

[randlemanboater]

Originally Posted by JeffXJ

That reminds me... I gotta change my oil.... ;D

Walmart does mine for $15. And I get to peruse the fishing isle while I wait.

[Stinky_Hooker]

Randle, that will probably end up costing you more than 15 bucks. ;D

[randlemanboater]

Originally Posted by Stinky_Hooker

Randle, that will probably end up costing you more than 15 bucks. *;D

True, but I only buy stuff that I really "NEED". ;)

[macojoe]

Thats funny!!

But I still change my own oil after getting screwed some years ago (thats another story!!) I like doing it and from start to finish its only 30 min. I just hate doing it in the winter!

I change my oil 6 times a year, so I am used to it!!