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Some Old Some New ENJOY
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>> Bless me father for I have sinned!!!! >> >> >> A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I >> almost had an affair with another woman.' >> >> The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' >> >> The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then >> I >> stopped.' >> >> The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're >> not >> to see that woman again. >> >> For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box ' >> >> The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked >> over >> to the poor box. >> >> He paused for a moment and then started to leave. >> >> The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw >> that.You didn't put any money in the poor box!' >> >> The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and >> according >> to you, that's the same as putting it in!' >> >> ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ >> >> There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon >> entering >> the confessional, she said, >> >> 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.' >> >> The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.' >> >> The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love >> to >> me seven times.' >> >> The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons >> into a >> glass and then drink the juice.' >> >> The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?' >> >> The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.' >> >> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >> >> Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for >> company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and >> asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a Mass for the poor >> creature?' >> >> Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an >> animal in the church But there are some Baptists down the lane, and >> there's >> no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the >> creature.' >> >> Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya think $5,000 is enough to >> donate to them for the service?' >> >> Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya >> tell >> me the dog was Catholic? >> >> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >> >> >> An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation >> ensues: >> Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many >> children, >> grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two >> college >> girls, hitchhiking . We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of >> them >> three times.' >> >> Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?' >> >> Man: 'What sins? ' >> >> Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?' >> >> Man: 'I'm ***ish.' >> >> Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?' >> >> Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.' 
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