JOKE OF THE DAY

[THEFERMANATOR]

Arthur Davidson Goes To Heaven

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven.

"Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "Hold on." God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers…more men are riding my invention than yours!!!

[THEFERMANATOR]

BEER VS ******

1.Beer is always wet. ****** needs a little work.
One point to BEER

2.Warm beer tastes awful.
One point to ******

3.A really cold beer is satisfying.
One point to BEER

4.If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair
between your teeth, you may vomit.
One point to ******

5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a scene, kick you out, etc. If you get home reeking of ****** your wife may get mad, kick you out, even leave you. There's definitely a point to be had here, depending on your point of view and personal circumstances.
I'll just call it a DRAW for the time being.

6. Ten beers in one night and you can't drive home. Ten ******s in one night and you don't want to drive anywhere.
One point to ******

7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may
suffer. If you eat any ****** in public, you become a legend.
One point to ******

8. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested. If you smell of ****** he may buy you a beer.
One point to ******

9. You normally don't find old beer.
One point to BEER

10. Too much beer and you'll think you see flying saucers. Too much ****** and you'll think you've seen God.
One point to ******

11. Ripping off a beer bottle label is boring. Ripping off panties is
fun.
One point to ******

12. In most countries there's a tax on beer.
One point to ******

13. If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off. One point to BEER

14. You can always be sure if you're the first one to open a bottle or a can.
One point to BEER

15. If you shake beer it'll get all agitated but eventually it
settles down.
One point to BEER

16. With beer you always have choice: clear, dark,
pilsner,ale,lager,etc
One point to BEER

17. You always know how much beer is going to cost
One point to BEER

18. Beer doesn't have a mother
One point to BEER

19. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after you
drink it
One point to BEER

FINAL SCORE: BEER: 10 ******: 8

That's it! The matter is settled, the clear winner is: BEER

PS: If you are a woman and at this point feel angry, degraded or
discriminated against, just remember that Beer would experience none of those feelings, let alone express them, an extra point for BEER

[willy]

Good Harley joke Ferm ;D

[THEFERMANATOR]

So what happened to my version of the second one. Is the V word not allowed?

[parishht]

Probably one of those automatic changes that are built into this site. ;)

[macojoe]

Thingy LOL

[THEFERMANATOR]

Originally Posted by macojoe

Thingy *LOL

That aint what I put in, but what the hey.

[THEFERMANATOR]

Courtroom Drama!!!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what
happened the night of April 1st?


Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my
front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up
on the porch and sat down beside me.


Defense Attorney: Did you know him?


Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.


Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?


Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.


Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?


Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.


Defense Attorney: Why not?


Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my
Abner died some 30 years ago.


Defense Attorney: What happened next?


Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.


Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?


Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.


Defense Attorney: Why not?


Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited.
I haven't felt that good in years!


Defense Attorney: What happened next?


Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I
just laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me!'


Defense Attorney: Did he take you?



Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!' And
that's when I shot him, the little bastard.

[THEFERMANATOR]

The Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, while visiting a primary
school
> class, found themselves in the middle of a discussion related to words and
> their meanings.
>
> The teacher asked both men if they would like to lead the discussion of
the
> word "tragedy." So the illustrious Rev Jackson asks the
> class
> for an example of a "tragedy."
>
> One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a
> farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks
> him dead, that would be a tragedy."
>
> No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident."
>
>
> A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove
> over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
>
> I'm afraid not," explains the exalted Reverend Al. "That's what we would
> call a great loss." The room goes silent. No other children volunteer.
>
>
> Reverend Al searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me
an
> example of a tragedy?"
>
> Finally at the back of the room little Johnny raises his hand. In a stern
> voice he says: "If a plane carrying the Reverends Jackson and Sharpton
were
> struck by a missile and blown to smithereens that would be
>
> a tragedy."
>
> Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson and Sharpton, "That's right. And can you
tell
> me why that would be a tragedy?"
>
> "Well," says little Johnny, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great
> loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either

[TunaHead]

Ole was talking to his neighbor Sven who said, "Ole, you and Lena should really get some new blinds." "Why?" asked Ole. "Well last night, I saw, you and Lena, well you know, doing it." Ole thought for a bit, then said, "Ha ha Sven, the joke's on you, I wasn't home last night!"