[CaptJ]

>>
>> Bless me father for I have sinned!!!!
>>
>>
>> A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I
>> almost had an affair with another woman.'
>>
>> The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
>>
>> The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then
>> I
>> stopped.'
>>
>> The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're
>> not
>> to see that woman again.
>>
>> For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box '
>>
>> The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked
>> over
>> to the poor box.
>>
>> He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
>>
>> The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw
>> that.You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
>>
>> The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and
>> according
>> to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
>>
>> ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
>>
>> There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon
>> entering
>> the confessional, she said,
>>
>> 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
>>
>> The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
>>
>> The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love
>> to
>> me seven times.'
>>
>> The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons
>> into a
>> glass and then drink the juice.'
>>
>> The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
>>
>> The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'
>>
>>
>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>> Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for
>> company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and
>> asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a Mass for the poor
>> creature?'
>>
>> Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an
>> animal in the church But there are some Baptists down the lane, and
>> there's
>> no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the
>> creature.'
>>
>> Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya think $5,000 is enough to
>> donate to them for the service?'
>>
>> Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya
>> tell
>> me the dog was Catholic?
>>
>>
>> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
>>
>> An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation
>> ensues:
>> Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many
>> children,
>> grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two
>> college
>> girls, hitchhiking . We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of
>> them
>> three times.'
>>
>> Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
>>
>> Man: 'What sins? '
>>
>> Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
>>
>> Man: 'I'm ***ish.'
>>
>> Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
>>
>> Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'