New "You Might Be A Redneck If..."

[reelapeelin]

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has 'ammo' on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

[chumbucket]

Forget Rednecks ......here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about New Englanders...


· If your local Dairy Queen is closed from October through April, you live in New England .
· If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in New England.
· If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England.
· If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England.
· If 'vacation' means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend, you live in New England.
· If you measure distance in hours, you live in New England.
· If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in New England.
· If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you live in New England.
· If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in New England.
· If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you live in New England.
· If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in New England.
· If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 70 and everybody is passing you, you live in New England.
· If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in New England.
· If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in New England.
· If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in New England.
· If you find 20 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in New England.
· If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in New England.
· If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your New England friends & others, you live in New England or you used to

[WinniDave]

You beat me to it. I was looking for my copy when you posted...

My road is nice and smooth right now. Where are you located?

Dave C.

[chumbucket]

20 mile south of Boston. My street feels as though none of us paid our road taxes. You don't want to drive down it with a full bladder.

[tsubaki]

reel, I actually found myself counting the number that applied to me.
You know I used to feel good about myself.

[bradford]

Originally Posted by tsubaki

reel, I actually found myself counting the number that applied to me.
You know I used to feel good about myself.

I only got eleven out of thirty.