my father died this morning.

[charlie_the_tuna]

holy sh!t. i never thought i would see this phrase come from me. it's still very surreal to me as i never really accepted the fact that we would ever really lose him. he was always the bada$$ of fathers. he was a champion bodybuilder in his youth and he was always big and muscular and the strength of my family. he had bypass surgery, i guess around 10 or so years ago and he was just never the same after. he was still his ornery, cranky stubborn self, but physically he just slowly went downhill. last couple years he would just sit around and sleep all day and refused to go to his doctors appointments and his physical therapy. he eventually started using a walker and his eyesight had been getting progressively worse. i guess he just gave up and stopped fighting.
my parents are snowbirds and he had been breaking my balls last few years to come down to florida to visit when they were down there. as we hadnt been on a vacation in years we finally gave in, and even though we couldnt afford it he wanted to spend time with my boys down there. i spoke to him a couple days ago because he was giving my mom a hard time about doctors and therapy. i told him to stop breaking everybodys balls and listen to the doctors. she didnt let on that he was this bad. she led me to believe that this was just another hospital visit.
i'm still in shock and i dont know what to do. i cant believe my father is gone. how do you recover from something like this? how does life ever seem normal again?