Ed the Chicken

[CaptJ]

Ed the Chicken



Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ed.'

Ed was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'

Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground..

A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Ed the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'

'Never,' said Ed.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming..

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....

"Ed, wake up! You sh1t the bed!"

Getting OLD just ain't what they said it would be!

[macojoe]

A guy was asked by his co workers all the time to go out after work for a drink, but his wife would never understand, so he never went.

Then this one day they begged him, and he said ok I will go for just one quick drink to make everyone happy.

Well one lead to another, and before he knew it he was drunk, and it was near midnight!!

When he gets home he sneaks up the stairs were the wife was sound a sleep!

He says I know I will crawl in under the covers and give her oral sex so good she would never be mad at him! So he gets in and under the covers and proceeds to give her best! Then feeling good abot what he just did went to clean up in the bathroom.

As he enters the bathroom he turns on the light and there is his wife, he screams!! What are you doing in here? She says what you think, then starts to say its late and that his mother is staying the night in are room!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[smokeonthewater]

When I read jokes like this I cringe thinking of where the inspiration came from......