You don't have to own a cat to enjoy this one

[THEFERMANATOR]

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We
turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our
pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab
company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front
door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back
into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she
always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The
cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife
doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the
night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon,
'He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I
said, as we drove away. 'That stupid ***** was hiding under the bed.
Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to
take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a
blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat
*** downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'
The cab driver hit a parked car...