Joke of the day

[THEFERMANATOR]

This one may be a repost, but it's pretty good.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to
use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy
father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and
said, "Well, I'm off now; the man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make
a sale. Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''
Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed,
"I've been expecting you." "Have you really?" said the
photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my
specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in
and have a seat. After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well,
where do we start?" "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And
sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out
there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for
Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one
every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot
from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the
results." "My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith. "Ma'am, in my line
of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five
minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that." "Don't I know
it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio
of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. "And these
twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother
was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so I finally
had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were
crowding around four and five deep to get a good look." "Four and
five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours,
too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could
hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to
rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my
equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed
on your, uh ..equipment? " "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're
ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted