A few jokes to help pass the day

[THEFERMANATOR]

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas.
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on
sale, he buys them and wears them home.

Walking proudly, he goes into the kitchen and says to his wife, "Notice
anything different about me?"

Margaret looks him over, "Nope".

Frustrated, Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back
into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asks a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looks up and says, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down
today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Bert yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN MARGARET?"

"Nope", she replies.

"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

Margaret replies..."Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Ya shoulda bought a hat."

[THEFERMANATOR]

Underwear dust
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife
'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it
would take a few inches off of your butt!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a
comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer.
'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud
appeared when he shook them out. 'April,' he hollered into the
bathroom, 'why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

She replied ...'It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'

[THEFERMANATOR]

Alright, since I have seen some jokes floating around I will chip in.

3 DUCKS
So these three ducks walk into a bar and take a seat. The bartender approaches the first duck and hands him a beer,

BARTENDER: "Never seen you in here before, whats your name? Hows the day been treating ya?"

1ST DUCK: "Well my name in Huey....Couldn't ask for better, sun shining all day, in and out of puddles. It really has been a great day to tell ya the truth"

BARTENDER: "Well thats good to hear, how about you (as he approches the 2nd duck with a beer), What about you....what your name and how has the day been treating you?

2ND DUCK: "Well my name is Duey, same scenario....sun shining all day long, in and out of puddles, its just been a really good day...can't complain.

BARTENDER: "Well thats good to hear. How about you...whats your name and how has your day been? (as he approaches the third duck)

3RD DUCK: "Well my name is puddles"