One for CTT

[THEFERMANATOR]

For all the Guys Out there...

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For all the guys in the family ...
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1. If you are over forty & you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys & have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, & doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming ****. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, whines to be fed. Just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your *** over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat. "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else & you are in training & undeniably a ***.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates & urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy< BR>> Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than 6 names of non standard colors or 4 different types of dessert other than ice cream & pie, you might as well be handing out free *** passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-*** driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker.

[Sean]

Classic ;D