[THEFERMANATOR]

A new twist on a time honored classic.
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I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.


And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.


I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.






FOR EXAMPLE:


One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.


Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me.'


I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'


So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...


'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'


She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who
I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'


Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.






The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her.


We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed
department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several
different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so
I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her
new clothes, so I said, 'Let's get a pair for each outfit.'


We went on to the ***elry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.'
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.


Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'


I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel
like it.'


Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
'WHAT?'


I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman.'


And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why
can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'


Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that b***h
knows I'm smarter than her.