[CaptJ]

>
> A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'
>
> The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'
>
> 'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!'
>
> 'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird'
>
> 'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?'
>
> 'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden
> bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'
>
> 'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand and speak English can't you?'
>
> 'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology.. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.'
>
> The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag.... 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.'
>
> 'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!'
>
> The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
>
> Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational....
> He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
>
> One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man..'
>
> 'What are you talking about?' asks the guy.
>
> 'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.'
>
> 'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'
>
> 'Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.
>
> 'NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?'
>
> 'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over....'
>
> Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'
>
> 'Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!'
>
>