A couple of jokes to get you through the day
 

Fred's Dingaling


A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name.

"Fred," he replies.

"Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred," the man responds.

When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS. Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling , MD DDS with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling , MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my 'dingaling' so now I'm just Fred."

The officer walked away in tears, laughing so hard and tore up the Warning Ticket.

A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his
birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive. She
told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a
fortune.

"Well," said the clerk, "I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's
been trained to give blow jobs."

"Blow jobs!" the woman replied.

"It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month," he
said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's
true .. no more blow jobs for her! She bought the frog.

When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely
skeptical and laughed it off. The woman went to bed happy, thinking
she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots
and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.
She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog
reading cookbooks.

"What are you two doing at this hour?" she asked.

The husband replied, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your *** is
gone."