TheTinMan
05-19-2006, 10:00 PM
In case you want to apply at WalMart
>
>
>
> WAL-MART APPLICATION
> This is an actual job application that a 75 year old
> senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas.
> They hired him because he was so funny.....
>
>
> NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
>
> SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman
> (or at least one who will cooperate)
>
> DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice
> President.
> But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be
> picky,
> I wouldn't be applying here in the first place ?
>
> DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and
> a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible,
make
> an offer and we can haggle.
>
> EDUCATION: Yes.
>
> LAST POSITION HELD:
> Target for middle management hostility.
>
> PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
>
> MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of
> stolen pens and post-it notes.
>
> ! REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
>
> HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
>
> PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m.
> Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
>
> DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're
> better suited to a more intimate environment.
>
> MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
> If I had one, would I be here?
>
> DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT
> YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
>
> DO YOU HAVE A! CAR?: I think the more appropriate
> question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
>
> HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I
> may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes,
so
> they tell me.
>
> DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
> On my breaks - yes!
>
> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living
> in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel
who
> thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
> Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
>
> NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles
>
> DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO
> THE BEST OF YOUR
> KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
>
> ***Old People Rock! ***
>
>
>
> WAL-MART APPLICATION
> This is an actual job application that a 75 year old
> senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas.
> They hired him because he was so funny.....
>
>
> NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
>
> SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman
> (or at least one who will cooperate)
>
> DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice
> President.
> But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be
> picky,
> I wouldn't be applying here in the first place ?
>
> DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and
> a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible,
make
> an offer and we can haggle.
>
> EDUCATION: Yes.
>
> LAST POSITION HELD:
> Target for middle management hostility.
>
> PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
>
> MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of
> stolen pens and post-it notes.
>
> ! REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
>
> HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
>
> PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m.
> Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
>
> DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're
> better suited to a more intimate environment.
>
> MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
> If I had one, would I be here?
>
> DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT
> YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
>
> DO YOU HAVE A! CAR?: I think the more appropriate
> question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
>
> HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I
> may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes,
so
> they tell me.
>
> DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no!
> On my breaks - yes!
>
> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living
> in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel
who
> thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
> Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
>
> NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles
>
> DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO
> THE BEST OF YOUR
> KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
>
> ***Old People Rock! ***