Politicaly Correct

[parishht]

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America..............Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES." You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore ....

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:


1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL
DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ***" - He develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP
CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It' "REAR CLEAVAGE."

[msbhammer]

Good One Brother ;)

[C YENSEN]

pretty funny except I am from West Virginia >:( ;D

[racerx]

i hate george carlin. even when he is funny (most of the time) he realy pi$$es me off.

and CY, if it makes you feel better, i still call you west virginia boys hillbillies.

[Airslot]

Yup, and I'm married to a blond WV Hillbilly, and she just loves a good West Virginia Blond Joke ;D

Airslot

[turbinedoctor]

I dont like being Politicaly Correct. Just tell it like it is.

[racerx]

dont tempt me,lol!

[turbinedoctor]

Racer lets start pushing back and going "POLITICALY INCORRECT". Altough I dont think we can post most of them here.

Everybody is so sensitive thesedays and cant handle the truth. If I'm fat then I'm fat. But at least I'm not trying to fool myself and calling it Displacemently Challenged or something like that.

If you aint happy with the way you are and dont like to hear it then atleast try to change your self before changing every one else.

Its a good thing I dont like typing or I could go on and on. Since my FAT fingers are getting tired I'm going to stop now.

[charlie_the_tuna]

maybe you should have included pictures for those members from west virginia.
:-/ sorry guys.

[turbinedoctor]

I'm Not sure you could handle a picture of me. After I met Air he started taking therapy. ;D

Hope he's Ok now ;)

[Airslot]

Yeah, I'm alright but let me tell ya...my buddy Manuel, yall might know him, Mannuel Labor....He liked to kilt me these last two days. Backs so sore I couldn't fish....ah, who am I kidding. But I am sore. Turbo, I knew right away youse good people ;)

Airslot

[turbinedoctor]

Thanks Air: your good people too even though you crossed the Mason-Dixon line. That was Politicaly Correct. UNPOLITICALY CORRECT your now a Yankee. ;D

[racerx]

damm yankee!

[LESTERUS]

IN A SPANISH UNIVERSITY, STUDENTS HAVE TO MAKE AN ESSAY, THE REQUIREMENTS ARE:

IT MOST INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING SUBJECTS:

- MONARQY
- SEX
- RELIGIOUS
- SUSPENSE
- MUST BE BREEF AND CONCISE

AN STUDENT ANSWERED:

- SOMEBODY GOT THE QUEEN PREGNANT!!!!, OH MY GOD!!! WHO MIGTH THAT BE?

LESTERUS

[LESTERUS]

TELLYA, I HATE WHEN SOMEBODY ASK ME IF I'M "HISPANIC", NO, M..F.. I'M CUBAN, OR WHEN YOU REFER TO SOMEONE AS "BLACK" OH, NO IS "AFROAMERICAN" BULLSH... THE GUY IS BLACK , CAN YOU SEE?

LESTERUS

[TheTinMan]

damm yankee!


you still pissed we won the war? :-* :D

[Stinky_Hooker]

Oh and Im not white, Im caucasian. 8)

[racerx]

yankees always say that, "we won the war" we won the war" well what did you win? freed the slaves? nahh, civil war actualy had little to do with slavery. ever heard of liberia? just like the first gulf war wasn't realy about helping the kuwaities, it was about oil. the civil war was about freedom. can someone tell us the difference between a federacy and a confederacy? it was federals against confederates, right? so... wad ya win?

two ladies wind up setting next to each other on a plane. one from the north. one from the south.after being seated the southern woman ask the northern woman "so, where ya headin?"
the northern lady looks down her nose, rolls her eyes, and replies "Hmmph, where i am from, we don't end a sentence with a prepasition!"
the southern woman replies "oh, well i am so sorry, WHERE YA HEADIN B!TCH"

[turbinedoctor]

Those of you who are thin skinned please leave now, dont read any farther.











What did lincoln say when he woke up from a six year drunk??









I FREED WHO



They say the war was about slavery but it was about the south not agreeing with the north telling us what and how to think.

The battle is over but the war still rages on, just in a different manner.

[Pipe_Dream]

Oh and Im not white, Im caucasian. 8)
Derma-pigment challenged. ;)

[racerx]

i love my country, north and south. my wife is from chicago. hows that for tolerance,lol. a few years back, at my moms house, i was pickin on her for being a yankee. she says to my mom "i lived here for 2 years. what do i have to do for people to stop calling me a damm yankee?" my mom said "marry a nazi and take his a$$ back up north with ya" lol.


we have a federal government and state governments.
in a federacy, the federal gov has power over the state gov.
in a confederacy, the state gov. has power over the federal gov.

[parishht]

Wow, I didn't mean to open a can of worms.

I am third generation U.S., my great grand parents had nothing to do with
the civil war, the indian wars, the Alamo or any other
internal U.S. war.
I just wish that people don't take out their grudges on me.

I rented one of my apartments to an "Afro-American"
in the past three months, rent has been late and there are always complaints.
I fix issues as soon as they arise and treat my tenants the way
I would want to be treated.
But of course, I am the caucaion "THE MAN" that is holding back his kind.

My son teaches in Los Angeles, so he is required to attend
seminars on people and children.
One that he attended showed that people living at the lower levels of society
have what is called a "poverty mentality"
it is a whole psychological study that shows that parents then pass this mentality on.

Sorry for the rant, but sometimes it is just good to vent frustrations.

[Pipe_Dream]

That "poverty mentality" knows no racial boundaries. A friend of mine worked in one of the gated communities here, side by side with many low-wage earners. Every day they passed by the many large homes owned by upper middle class to wealthy folks. Whenever he would ask one of them how they thought the homeowner might have amassed the money to buy such a home, the answer was the same:
"They stole it."

So much for the hard-work equals reward ethic. :-/

[turbinedoctor]

I GREW UP THE YOUNGEST OF 4, WITH ONLY MY FATHER BRING HOME THE BACON. WE DID NOT HAVE ALOT BUT WE HAD EACH OTHER AND A GOOD FEAR OF GOD.

I WAS TOUGHT RIGHT FROM WRONG AND IF YOU WANT ANYTHING IN LIFE YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT. I SET MY GOALS HIGH AND MADE IT THREW HIGH SCHOOL AND INTO THE WORK FORCE.

I TRY TO TREAT EVERYONE AS I WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED BUT SOME JUST WONT LET ME. I APPLIED MY SELF AT THE JOB S THAT I HAD AND WORKED MY WAY TO WHERE I AM TODAY.

I BRING HOME TO A FAMILY OF 2 KIDS AND A GOOD WIFE ABOUT THE EQUVALENT OF THREE TIMES WHAT MY FATHER DID. WE STRESS EDUCATION TO OUR KIDS AS WELL AS GOD AND RIGHT FROM WRONG. HOPEFULLY THEY CAN GO EVEN FARTHER THAN I HAVE.

WITH ALL THAT SAID, I DONT CARE TO LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY CANT DO ANY BETTER FOR THEMSELVES. SOME ARE HAPPY WHERE THEY ARE AND SOME DONT WANT TO TRY ANY HARDER.

WHEN I WAS BUILDING MY OWN HOUSE (4.5 YEARS) I WOULD HAVE SEVERAL KIDS FROM THE AREA COME AND HELP AND PAID THEM FOR IT. ONE STANDS OUT FROM ALL THE REST. WHEN I TOOK HIM HOME THAT EVENING I ASKED IF HE WOULD LIKE TO HELP THE NEXT DAY, HIS REPLY WAS, AND I AM QUOTING HIM WORD FOR WORD, "I WANT THE MONEY BUT I DONT WANT TO WORK FOR IT".

10 YEARS LATER I SEE HIM AT THE MALL IN SALISBURY, DRESS LIKE AND ACTING LIKE ONE OF THOSE PUNKS THAT THINKS HE IS OWED SOMETHING FROM THE WORLD.

BOTTOM LINE IF YOU WANT IT, GO GET IT.

ASK MACOJOE HOW MANY TIME HE FELT LIKE QUITING BUT KEEP GOING.

[racerx]

BILL OF NON RIGHTS

ARTICLE I -- You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any form of wealth.

More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II -- You do not have the right to never be offended.

This country is based on freedom, and that means the freedom for everyone, not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III -- You do not have the right to be free from harm.

If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful. Do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV -- You do not have the right to free food and housing.

Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generations of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.

ARTICLE V -- You do not have the right to free health care.

That would be nice but, from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in government run health care.

ARTICLE VI -- You do not have the right to physically harm other people.

If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII -- You do not have the right to the possessions of others.

If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VIII -- You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience.

We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight, if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE IX -- You don't have the right to a job.

All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X -- You do not have the right to happiness.

Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness -- which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

[LESTERUS]

GOOD COMMENT, RACERX!!! I AGREE WITH THAT 100%

I'M A REFUGEE, AND THE ONLY THING I EVER ASKED IN THIS COUNTRY IS THE OPP. TO BE HERE, THE REST I CAN MAKE IT MYSELF. I HAVEN'T EVEN COLLECTED UNEMPLOYMENT IN 25 YEARS.

AS FOR PIPE COMENT, SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPENS HERE IN MIAMI, IF YOU FIX YOUR HOUSE NICE, THE FIRST THING YOUR NEIGBOURS SAY: "HE'S A DRUG DEALER", TO ME, THAT'S THE WAY POOR SPIRITED PEOPLE JUSTIFY THAT OTHER SUCCEED AND THEY DON'T

LESTERUS

[racerx]

i'm not poor spirited. but, i see a brother rollin round in a brand new 300m (a.k.a., black mans bentley) with $20k wheels, gold plated everything, custom paint, stereo booming profanities so loud i cant see straight. hat all sideways, gold teeth with diamonds, mr.t starter kit, and worst of all... showing his whole a$$ to the world. first thing i think, drug dealer.

[parishht]

Good commentaries.